Ask me about my feminist agenda..

go ahead

just ask me…

Because I have a lot to say

I cant promise that all my blogs will be about my feminist agenda, but theres a good chance alot of them will… because its pretty much everything I am doing. Yes, I am slanging handmade bikinis– but its alot more than that too, and if you give me a chance to explain maybe it will all make sense. So here goes, 

DIET CULTURE KILLED THE CAT, but satisfaction brought it back

I think I’m the cat in this metaphor?…. and its fitting really because I almost died. The first time was when I was a teenager with anorexia: I was convinced I had to be beautiful to be worthy. I was convinced I had to be skinny to be beautiful. I was convinced starving myself was the only aspect of my chaotic life I could control. Well long story short, I passed out at high school soccer try outs, went to the hospital where they could barely find my heart beat, then had to stay or a while until my heart beat grew stronger, I had been force fed a few meals and they knew I had some calories in me. No one followed up after. I was 14 and struggled with disordered eating for many years after.

The next few times I nearly died were the result of trying to leave an abusive, mentally ill partner. He tried to strangle me multiple times. One night, I wrestled a loaded shotgun out of his hands only to have him break down crying. He has run me off the road with his car. He resricted my food intake, the people I talk to, and hurt me whenever I tried to leave. And he nearly won.. I  nearly gave up on surviving time and time again. I was just so tired. He didn’t win, but he definitely broke parts of me in the process. 

Are these two horrific life events connected? probably. I dont know. Im not a therapist… but  I think its safe to say yes they are? I didn’t deserve what that man did to me, nobody does… but at the same time I had no tools to see it coming, no tools to navigate it safely, no tools to keep myself safe, and no reason to think I was owed a safe happy life. Abuse is hard to spot when youve been abusing yourself and your body for years. 

In a lot of ways it all starts with seemingly small things like weight loss ads, like one version of beauty in the media, like dads who celebrate one body type, like people using fat like its a bad word. 

Ive said this before, but the patriarchy loves diet culture because its really hard to tear down decrepit obsolete power structures when your’e just really vv hungry.  Seriously. Think about it. Think about the obsession with making women/ femme small and dainty and delicate… think about the way we compare ourselves to others, let our size dictate how good/sexy/ powerful we get to feel. The patriarchy loves it.

And its easy to think of self love as a small, inconsequential thing… like how much change can I really make by shamelessly posting photos of my squish and cellulite? by writing love letters to myself and sharing them with the internet? by exposing and accepting the parts of me I have been told to hide? Self love surely cannot change much beyond my own perception of myself, my mental health and maybe, if I’m lucky, help a few other people feel more confident… And its obvious really, the way beauty standards are beat into us from when we are tiny, that they are using our own bodies against us as a distraction. Its a small violence against us, but a violence nonetheless..  If we dont feel comfortable, let alone safe in our own skin, how would we know how to fight for it? 

 But the truth is our bodies, the bodies of women, femme people, fat people, trans people, bipoc people, and queer people are political. Period. Whether we want that or not. There is a war against our existence, our self expression. We are told to shrink, to wear more makeup, to wear less makeup, to dress differently, to cover up, to act differently, to talk differently, to appear smaller, to be quieter, to take up less space… There are rooms of people debating what we can or cannot do with our own uterus, what bathrooms people can use, .. Decisions about our body autonomy and safety are made in courts daily, in the way we punish offenders and the way we treat victions of sexual violence… my body is political, and if you are anything but a cis white male, so is yours.

Using Format